Author: Tiara Queensbury

I am a speech language pathologist, writer, soap maker, hiker, pet owner, spin cycler, motivator and lover of life.

Living Childfree with No Regrets

Tiara Queensbury

Children.

I’d be a liar if I said that having a child never crossed my mind. When I sat and played with dolls as a child, I definitely had a nurturing side. As a matter of fact, my favorite doll was Jessica (below). A few years back when visiting my hometown, I retrieved her from my mother’s attic and swooped her away to live in a box with many other keepsakes at my current home. Always special, Jessica is a toy that my late brother chose for me at Toys R Us back in the late 80s. I have fond memories of playing with her after becoming an only child at the age of four.

Yes, Jessica looks a little crazy here. Beautiful curls, now long gone, were in her hair when we took her out of the box she came in. She was my favorite doll.

When it Got Real

The truth is, a doll is a far cry from a real child. Children grow, children have different life experiences than their parents, and their personalities vary. On top of all that, as a parent, you have to navigate the responsibility of raising children with another adult. Another adult who is also that child’s parent and has a personality all of their own. This collaboration is no easy feat.

At almost 40 years of age, it has been confirmed for me that I will remain childfree. I remember telling one of my clients that I probably wouldn’t have children. This was ten years ago when I was living and working in Chicago. I remember my client responding, “Oh at least give it until you’re 35!”

Even back then, I had pretty much decided that my life would not include a child.

The Why

There are three big reasons.

  1. I wanted to be a “young” mom. I suppose youth is relative. Some would say I’m still fairly young at 39. But in my mind, the ideal time to have a kiddo is in your in your mid to late 20s. That’s when you’ve got this thing called, what’s the word now…? Energy! That’s it! Energy! I realized, at 29 years old that I wouldn’t make it as a parent. After falling asleep on the couch in the middle of watching Judge Judy sometime after 4 pm following a hard day’s work as a speech therapist, I was pretty sure that my energy levels were not in line with the requirements of parenting.
  2. There are no guarantees. There are no guarantees with anything, I suppose. But see, I have always been incredibly passionate about children living in a two-parent household. So many children that I grew up around lived in a home with only one parent. Many of us turned out great, we have degrees, careers and businesses now. But I remembered that many of the children at my school were living in a home with their mom and their dad. It was then that I decided that MY children would grow up with me and their father living under one roof. If only it were so simple. As I mentioned, there are no guarantees. We all know that things change between individuals once a child is in the picture. There’s no guarantee that you will continue to see eye-to-eye as that child grows up. Divorces happen. No one can guarantee that it won’t…there is no crystal ball. To be frank, there’s too much that’s out of your control. That my friends, is a troubling thought for a person like me.
  3. Growing up, I remember my mother talking to me about the idea of having children, “If you don’t want none, don’t have none,” she’d say. This is one of the many things I admire about my mother. She never pressured me about having children, and still doesn’t. I guess I was lucky to have a parent who didn’t pressure me about such huge life decisions.

Today, this childfree life continues on with no regrets.

The bottom line is, having children was and is too circumstantial for me. I only gave myself a small window to have children and I wanted to be happily married before they arrived. Neither of those things happened. I can’t say that I’m disappointed about it either. It didn’t pan out, that’s all! The standards that I set for my life when it came to children never came to fruition.

Moving on 😊

Where To From Here?

That’s my childfree story. I’m happy that so many other things in life came true for me. The main ones being my self-sufficiency and maintaining relationships with the family and friends I already have. Maybe an unconventional life, but satisfactory one, nonetheless.

Have you decided to live the childfree life? Do your reasons differ from mine?

Please share your thoughts with me in the comments.

Cheers,

Making Workouts a Habit (and liking it)

Tiara Queensbury

I used to loathe exercising.

Because I’ve always been on the thinner side, I fooled myself into thinking I didn’t need to exercise as much as most people. I’ve had a total of two gym memberships in my lifetime and I ended up cancelling both of them soon after they were established.

In my twenties, I generally ate whatever I wanted. It’s not that my portions were large or that I ate frequently. The thing is I wasn’t being conscious about my diet. And the biggest culprit was sugar! I am a strong believer that it is one of the most addictive ingredients on this planet. Why? Because I could not drink coffee or tea without adding a few teaspoons and I could devour a whole 14 oz. bag of Swedish Fish in a day…by myself.

Then I hit my third decade of life…and that changed the game!

My midsection and arms were looking misshapen and less toned. My pants were getting tighter at the waist too. I could’ve tricked myself into thinking that the dryer shrank them, but my intuition told me…actually screamed at me, that neither those pants nor my dryer were the problem.

My lack of exercise was.

This fall, I finally built and maintained a habit of getting regular exercise. Every other day, I have been doing strength training without weights. No need for a gym membership or excessive equipment. I have one 15 lb. free weight, an exercise band and a mat. That’s it. I do everything from bicycle crunches, to mountain climbers to sumo squats. All of this from a simple search of workouts on You Tube. All of this, done in the comfort of my own home!

Woman in White Tank Top Standing on Concrete Surface

I always feel better about myself after finishing my exercise routines, especially as I continue to notice the desired changes in my physique. With every passing workout, I feel much stronger and capable of more. Is my body exactly where I want it to be today? No. Not yet. For now, the greatest win has been getting a new and positive habit embedded in my life. I haven’t skipped a planned workout in the last three months. Even when I feel tired or unmotivated to get my 30 minutes of exercise in, I do it anyway. Without fail, I feel 100 percent better after I finish…EVERY TIME!

The next best thing about making exercise a habit was the inadvertent shift in my mindset about eating. After investing all of that time and energy into sculpting my body, the thought of going backwards has been scary. To maintain my improved figure I changed my eating habits without much difficulty. More leafy greens, more fruits, more water. So far, so good, but it’s still a work in progress. It’s amazing how after you conquer one vice, you are able to begin conquering the others.

Tell me, do you like working out? How do you stay motivated to keep the habit? How do you feel after your workouts?

I’d love to hear your feedback!

Bye for now…

Journals: Free Therapy and Reflection

Tiara Queensbury

I’d say, ever since the third grade, I’ve kept a journal. But then because I am a writer, I’m sure this isn’t a shocker.

I don’t remember where, but I once heard someone say, “When you don’t know what to do, do nothing.”

Frequently, I apply this concept when dealing with difficult situations or people in everyday life. It’s hard to know what to do when you’re in the midst of it all.

Here are five reasons why keeping a journal is one of the best forms of free therapy:

1. The journal does not interrupt.

If there is a situation or person who you are having a time working through or with, reach for your journal in your free time. A journal is the perfect place to unload all of your thoughts and get your them off of your chest without judgment or comments from outsiders

2. It is private.

Granted that you choose to journal in a physical book that can be hidden someplace safe in your living space, the privacy of your journal is almost guaranteed. This journal is your personal property. No one has to know what you have written in there or where you store it. You can share the thoughts you’ve written in your journal on your time and at your discretion.

3. Keeping a journal is a healthy alternative to venting on social media.

OK, so I may anger a few with this point. But here goes. Many of us have vented on social media about our problems a time or two. I am guilty of this myself!

Yes, I know. There are tools to delete and edit shared information on whatever platform(s) you subscribe to. But the fact is, once other people have had the opportunity to read something that’s very personal to you, they have that intimate information forever… and you cannot re-claim it.

If you are still in the process of working through anything that may be upsetting you, it may not be the right time to publicize it. Attempt to gain some clarity about your thoughts by sharing them only with yourself first…using your journal.

4. It is a great place to archive your wins and awesome days.

You can use your journal to vent but be sure to also enter your achievements, unique experiences or time spent with people who make you feel confident, happy and at peace.

Maybe you went canoeing on a river for the first time or your small business turned a profit after months of work. Whatever it is, give yourself a chance to reflect on the things and people that bring you joy. This is a must-do in keeping a journal so that you have great stories to read over when/if you decide to look through your journal someday in the future.

5. It costs you nothing but time.

OK, so maybe I said that incorrectly. Time is one of the most precious things in this world.

But one thing to remember is this. Your journal is for you! Is your time strictly to be used and abused by other people? Of course not.

Personally, I typically enter one page of writing for each day I choose to write and then I am done. Again, this is for you. No need to worry about grammar, use of expletives or even the format. I have written entries in my journal that consist of a title such as “things to improve upon in life” with a list of said things to follow. Make your journal yours and block out time to do it….even if you have to put it on your agenda.

Well, this was just my two cents.

Keeping a journal has served me well in helping to channel energy in a healthy and controlled manner. We all go through a little something in life. Let your journal lighten your load on the bad days and celebrate with you on the good ones.

Happy journaling!

Uncovering interests through hobby “shopping”

Tiara Queensbury

Many of us are used to the daily grind. Brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, prepare your children for school (if you’ve got any), eat breakfast (if you have time), transport to work, work (of course), come home, eat dinner, go to sleep and repeat the routine on the following day.

Sometimes don’t we all feel a little selfish. Being the introvert that I am, I place a high value on “me time.” This is something everyone cherishes, even if the duration of “me time” is minimal.

Just five years ago, the daily grind was taking ownership of me. As if my career was the only definition of my life and abilities. So, I began to explore. I got into hiking, crocheting and even tried sewing. Although I still indulge in hiking from time to time, the knitting and crocheting fell by the wayside.  Hopefully, someone is still getting some great use out of my Singer sewing machine. (I have yet to unload the crochet needles and yarn.)

My Peppermint soap

My desire to learn and develop skills outside my career eventually sparked an interest in soap making. I started by learning the melt and pour method. As time passed, I got over the fear of putting my eyes out with lye (an ingredient in soap making that is to be respected, but not feared) and subsequently dove into cold process soap making.

In 2019, I can say that I have discovered a creative channel that I love… and my eyesight is still just fine. I’ve shared my creations with family and friends….not to mention myself. I can independently produce a useful tried and true product that anyone can use, and that’s tremendous!

Maybe soap making isn’t your forte. But if you haven’t taken the opportunity to explore your specific talents and interests, take the leap now. There are probably a myriad of reasons why you pursued a career in your field. But here’s the thing; you are multidimensional.

As life moves forward, your experiences shape you and can bring to life parts of you that you forgot about. For instance, maybe you had a high interest in bicycling or painting, as a teen or young adult but daily responsibilities of life put a damper on your progress to pursue it.

Here are two simple steps to get started:

  1. Some people may have several “hats” to wear outside of work. Maybe you’re a parent, caretaker or an active member in the community. If this is the case, start small in your journey and keep moving forward. The idea is to dedicate as much time as you can to your hobby and continue to build upon it until you reach your intended goal. You can dedicate one day to watching a five minute how-to video on You Tube. The next, you could read a couple chapters from a book about your chosen hobby or interest.

  • 2. This leads me to the grandest part about developing a hobby…you can learn at your pace, in your free time and in whichever avenue you see fit! What can be better than having this kind of control?

Although it can be a chore to achieve, life needs balance. Having meaningful activities that bring you joy has potential to make you better across all areas of your life. I paced myself during my soap making journey, honed my skills using various avenues and managed to develop my own unique recipes and scents in my finished products…. handmade bar soap.

I have ownership of something and I also have new talents that can’t be denied. The result? Well, I am still a speech-language pathologist but now I can say I’m even more: a self-starter, a creator and an entrepreneur.

Hobbies are great for your health.

Explore the myriad of options and find joy in the journey.

You won’t regret it!

Happiness: A daily commitment

Tiara Queensbury

Happy is an adjective according to dictionary.com. The first three listed definitions of happy were as follows:

  • delighted, pleased or glad, as over a particular thing
  • characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy
  • favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky

Being happy seems simple. If you’re anything like me, as a child you might have thought happiness could be obtained easily. As you grew older and realized how the world could be, obtaining happiness didn’t seem so easy. As an adult, I’ve generally been happy. I’ve had the opportunity to travel, I’ve lived in different cities, I have a great career and best of all, I’ve met lots of interesting people. Here comes the “but.” BUT, all of the responsibilities, unforseen problems and stress of adulting can be discouraging. Many times, we feel such pressure to appear happy when in reality, the opposite is true.

I am here to share my ideas, insights and resources in my quest to live as happily as I can. This is a place where I can own and take responsibility for living a happy life without expecting outside forces to do the work. I don’t remember where I heard it or who originally said it, but “Life is what you make it.” So, I intend to make a daily commitment to move closer to my version of happy. Not only on my best days but on my worst ones.

Join me in my journey to learn and grow. Let’s explore how you can become your happiest version of you too.

Hello and welcome to Thinking. Growing. Knowing.

Tiara Queensbury

Here I will share life lessons, random thoughts and current challenges.

My self-awareness is higher than ever. But the journey isn’t over and there’s much more to learn. A few gray hairs have appeared on my crown yet I still feel youthful and energized to enjoy the present and work towards a bright future. I’ve placed urgency to meet demands that I’ve set for myself and I’m eager to fulfill my self-inflicted requests to me, myself and I.

That said, it can be difficult to maintain this momentum. Especially when life doesn’t look exactly the way you planned, and when you have to meet the daily demands of surviving as an adult in a fast-paced, pricey and sometimes unkind world. I thought I might have a spouse and kids and maybe even a dog by now. Instead, I have loving friends and family, a cat and a car. This isn’t a complaint so much as it is a reflection on how my younger self knew so little about who I’d become and what I’d be doing at this stage of life.

I created Thinking. Growing. Knowing. to share stories, interests, experiences and curiosity about life. I am a lover of writing, so now that I’ve taken time to learn and understand myself, I want to share my reflections and engage with others who may have had similar experiences in thinking and learning. More, I seek to engage with you to exchange opinions and insight about the topics that I share here. As an introvert, I will gladly pat myself on the back and say that I observe and listen alot. Quick spur of the moment action and talking come in second for me. I have a lot of things to say, but my favorite avenue to “say” them is through writing.

Join me on the journey in Thinking. Growing. And Knowing. Comments on my posts are encouraged so let’s have some positive discussion and share our thoughts from afar.